ya know whats funny, is i can go from thinking i am the man at what i do, to i am most definatly not the man at what i do in a matter minutes…
it was my first practice with the new worship arts pastor. it was a great practice. long story short, i have a lot to learn…
i would talk about it more but there really wasnt any amazing things that happened, it was just the fact that i was witnessing a portion of my heart that was really dirty. and not only that, but i was recalling other times in a music worship setting that my heart was in the same area and it was detrimental to the team, and i had no idea. i dont know why i do this, but i feel like i get an idea of what something is suppose to look like, and then to me…well…that is what it is suppose to look like. man, something that the Lord had really been laying on my heart is bringing Him pleasure…here’s the kicker…even WHEN it brings my name down. i hate the fact that i feel like my name needs to be lifted up. the core of me knows that my name was created to point to the Name above all names…thats what ill do. i am sure as hell not doing it very well as of now, but i know that that is something i HATE with a passion, and thus it is a heart issue, and thus it is in the Lord’s hands. man…is He not so so cool…i already feel like i just want to start lifting others up and treating everyone better than me! it is so pointless to hang on to that “power” that i may obtain in my name.
all in all, i know the Lord had entrusted me with ability to be vulnerable and open in my worship, to lead people in the worship of our God through song and life in my own individual way, and somehow He has entrusted me with the gift to invite the Spirit in a way that makes people act like complete fools for the Lord…how sweet is that!!? so what i am trying to say is, Lord, MAN, the very core of me is DYING to just leave behind everything that holds me back from lifting the name of the Most High to a place that is needs to be!! just to say, “screw everything!” my Jesus MUST be honored and praised!!…to take those gifts that You have given me and begin to be reckless abandoned and just plain change the world…just plain change the world…Lord, that’s my heart and You know it…so i ask that You continue to change it in a way builds others up, keeps an eye on where my place is, and in a way that just plain screams Jesus Christ! You are my Lord…may i honor You in everything i do…
